I was reading in my journals that I had written through the years,
and it was a little painful. I don't really like the person I was in my
twenties as much as the person I am in my fifties. I know there are lots
of ways to change and it usually involves recognizing the need, making the
effort, and trusting in God. I just feel like for me, motherhood was a
very effective tutorial.
In my early years I seemed to spend more time thinking about how
others needed to change. As time went on my focus became more on how I
needed to change. When I was in college and knew everything about
parenting, I had all these judgmental little thoughts, "My child will
never suck their thumb." "You actually let your child eat out
of the kitchen?" "You know, hot dogs aren't a food."
"Well, if you weren't so permissive, your child would be more
obedient." " My child will never talk to me like that."
And my favorite, "Your teenager did what? Just tell them not
to." Well, as everyone has already guessed, I ate every word.
I ate every parenting word. And
that is the beauty of it. Now I'm not saying it's not good to have a
plan, it's important to be as prepared as possible. Just know that being
flexible is an important quality and be open to adjusting the plan as the new
situations arise, like every hour.
For one thing, motherhood is hard, and did you know that when a
child comes to you they're yours forever? Baby's cry, and two-year olds
have tantrums, and 5 yr. olds don't really stop talking. 7 yr. olds run
away when they get mad at you, and 12 yr. olds tell lots of jokes that aren't
funny. Fifteen yr. olds do what they want and 18 year olds leave you. On
top of this they need to be fed, every day. This means when I became a mother I
could no longer just do a little good for society and then reward myself the
rest of the day. I was on duty all the time. I had to help these
people feel love and learn about God and come to understand the importance of
obedience, education, sharing, etiquette, sacrifice, work, self-control,
selflessness... Then a weird thing happened, while I was teaching I was
learning.
Motherhood brought a lot of surprises. I was the oldest of
10 and had loved a lot of babies, but I was still surprised at the feeling I
had when I first held my newborn. This love that people write about, the
"I'll give you everything, can't get enough of you, die for you"
feeling was here to stay. Another surprise came when my first born left
home. He was definitely ready to leave and may or may not have been ornery
in the weeks preceding his departure. I remember thinking, "Yeah,
it's time." The surprise came the moment he got on the plane.
That day and practically every day after for about a year I cried
when I thought about him. I wondered, "Do you mean all the moms of
college freshman around the world are ready to burst into tears all the time?
Who knew?"
In the April 2011 General Conference Lynn G. Robbins said, "A
sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101.
If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth
degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what
you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might
consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more
Christlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering,
and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed and refined?
Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs
you?"
Now I'd say that each child has their 101 moments and their 505
moments, but frankly I've had my moments too. Some days my kids are
enrolled in the "Patient and Grateful Child-101" and others
days the "Forgive your Crazy Mother- 505." Lets just say home
is a great place to learn and grow and change.
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