So, you know that moment when nothing will ever be the
same? Having a baby is definitely one of
those moments. There I was in the
hospital holding a brand-new person--our little son. "How could he be so small? Look at his sweet little feet and long fingers. I think he looks like his dad. I love his
tiny ears and cute lips. Shouldn't he be fatter? Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be the one
keeping him alive? I don't think I'm
responsible enough for this job. I'm his mommy?
His only mommy? What if I make a
mistake?" And that's how it
began. I had watched my mother raise her
children. I had read as much as I could
on the topic and now it was go time. I
felt ready going into the hospital but didn't feel as ready coming out. At one point I remember thinking, "Who's
plan was this, sending a child home with a 22 year old mom and a 23 year old
dad? Is that even legal? And if it is,
is it safe?" Then I remembered who's
plan it was and knew that we wouldn't be alone and that it was a fantastic
plan.
The more I learn about the plan the more brilliant it
becomes. Did you know that our bodies
help us love our babies? There is a
hormone that new mothers have that when administered to men increased their
trust/ love quotient. I believe it comes
earlier than childbirth. In my normal
brain I see a baby and think, "So cute, but that looks like a lot of
work." In the last stages of
pregnancy I see a baby and want to cry because they're so precious.
Recently I read an article about the new baby smell. It lights up the pleasure center in our
brain. God knew we'd be experiencing
less sleep and lots of bodily fluids with a newborn, so he made them smell
delicious. That way we can be happy in our new increased level of service
opportunities.
And speaking of service, here's one of the best parts of the
plan. Elder Richard G Scott stated this
truth, "Fill your life with service to others. As you lose your life in the service of Father
in Heaven's children, Satan's temptations lose power in your life." I don't know if I really served very much
before motherhood. I thought I did, but
it was sporadic with most of my energies spent on taking care of me. As mom's know, that ratio completely changes
and that was a wonderful, necessary change.
Don't worry, I still spent a lot of energy taking care of yo, but now I know that if I really want to
be happy, I use my day to make others happy.
In all the wonderfulness of new motherhood, however, there
are some hairy-scary parts. Everyone
knows about them, everyone blogs about them.
But here are some things that I would tell my daughter if she was having
a baby (which she is) and which I have told my daughter-in-laws whether they
really wanted to hear it or not. (Thanks
for listening politely.)
When I was in the hospital an older nurse came in to prepare
me for checkout. One of the things she
told me was "Stay in your pajamas for at least a week. Then people won't forget that you need to rest." I doubted the wisdom in that and brushed it
off as "old school." I was
determined that I was young and healthy and was definitely a candidate for the
"They bore their babies in the field and went right back to work"
club. A couple of days after being home
I walked across campus to show my baby to my friends at my old job. Dumb.
Of course my bleeding increased and I felt light-headed. On Sunday, I decided I didn't want to miss
church but was surprised at how far it was from the parking lot and how long
the hallways were. People commented that
they were surprised to see me there. At
first I felt "hooah" and complimented, but as the hour wore on, and I
felt weaker. I realized I should have stayed home on the couch. Dumb again.
Childbirth is a big deal. Your
body needs to heal. Stay in your pajamas
and lay around on the couch as much as possible.
One other real hazard that everyone needs to prepare
themselves for is postpartum blues.
Right after delivery there is so much joy and elation, and the world is
your family's oyster. At about the time
a mom leaves the hospital the hormones take a dip that can take the world with
them. All I can say is the house better
be clean because mom isn't going to be happy and the world is not your family's
oyster. This shouldn't last too
long. It's normal. It's real.
If it continues contact your healthcare professionals.
My photographer daughter-in-law knows that the perfect time
to photograph a baby is at 10-14 days from birth. This is because they sleep like, well,
babies. Once sleeping, they can't be
woken up. I have a theory on this. God is giving new moms 2 weeks to rest and
get strong. The baby's activities are
sleeping and eating so the mommy's activities should be sleeping and nursing. After 2 weeks all bets are off. Just like clockwork, after 2 weeks all my
babies, but one, started crying.. a lot.
Crying is perfectly engineered to cause mothers and fathers
to take action. We become motivated
scientists performing experiment after experiment, feed the baby more, burp the
baby more, change the baby more, make them warmer, make them cooler, lie them
on their side, bounce them, swaddle them, shush them, swing them. If we're nursing we eat more, drink more,
rest more, eat fewer acidic foods, no chocolate, no carbonated drinks, no
spices, no onions. And then sometimes
the baby still cries and I've got nothing else for you except don't take it
personally. Babies cry. Read all about it if you want, but be
comforted to know that the period of P.U.R.P.L.E.(Peak of crying, Unexpected,
Resists Soothing, Pain like face, Long-lasting, Evening) crying is typically
from 2 weeks to 3 or 4 months and is normal if not enjoyable. Have a good book-paperback, so you can hold
it with one hand while you bounce your baby with the other, and be comforted
with the thought of all the virtues you are developing: patience, compassion,
creativity, resilience, and hopefully, your sense of humor.
To-do lists. I love
them. They give me direction and a sense
of accomplishment. BC (before children)
my list might say: study for test, write paper, work-out, write in journal,
clean bathrooms, go to concert, call friend, make dessert for party. Well, when you're a new mother you can still
have a list, but don't undermine your feelings of self-worth by putting too
much emphasis on the big specific actions.
Think small, flexible and eternal.
It should look like this: 1.Brush teeth. 2. Nourish God's
child/children. 3. Keep God's child/children alive. 4.
Love God's child/children.
5. Thank husband for being so
awesome. 6. Love Husband. 7. Pray.
That's a full day's list. If I
accomplish something unexpected I write it on the list at the end of the day
and cross it off. Who knew I would have
time to put a load of laundry in the washer (it doesn't matter that I didn't
get it to the dryer.) Count it.
The most important change that came to me from becoming a
mother is that children and their bond with their parents became sacred to
me. When I was up with my baby at 2:00
in the morning and it was just the two of us and God, sometimes I just felt
tired, but sometimes I had perfect clarity of love and life and family. One such experience happened on the night
before I was to be speaking to some youth from our church. I knew I needed to feel rested for the next
day, but as I rocked my son with his little head on my shoulder and his heart
beating next to mine, I was overwhelmed with the love God had for both of us
and just as God's love is eternal, a mother's love is also eternal. And rocking my son was exactly what I wanted
to do at 2:00 that morning.
And now that I'm changed I can't see any humor in the movie
"Raising Arizona." That baby
has been separated from his mother and is in danger. While everyone else in the room is laughing
at the mishaps, I'm horrified with
angry, desperate tears stinging my eyes.
When I watch "Prince of Egypt" and Moses' mother puts him in
the basket and Baby Moses is riding the swollen river my mother heart swells
with emotion and I, of course, cry. And
if I'm singing in a choir and we're singing "Mary's Lullaby-Tonight You Are
Mine" I am rendered incapable of producing an audible sound because of my
tears of gratitude to Mary for bringing a son into the world that was born to
die, and I'm not only thankful for His sacrifice, but his mother's as well.
Elder Neil L. Anderson quoted a blogger in his General
Conference Talk: "Children."
He said, “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect
children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if
you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”7
Then he taught, "Having young children is not easy.
Many days are just difficult. A young mother got on a bus with seven children.
The bus driver asked, “Are these all yours, lady? Or is it a picnic?”
“They’re all mine,” she replied. “And it’s no
picnic!”8“ In Mark 9:36-37 we read,
"And [Jesus] took a child … in his arms [and] said …
“Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name,
receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth … him that sent me.”
I appreciated this message because sometimes as mothers we
get weary, and we see the drudgery, but miss the holiness of raising God's
children. Let's not miss the holiness.
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